Pronoun “They” and why it’s not a foreign concept

For a period of time, I have been proud of myself for getting the pronouns “right.” For example, I met a trans woman (from male to female); I consciously called the person by their preferred pronoun “she/her.” About six months ago, I went to a training and the trainer who seemed female (by the way I identified it) asked to be referred to as “they.” I am a mental health professional who understands the importance of addressing people by their preferred pronoun and I embarrassingly admit that I messed this up. I was referring to the trainer and the “she” slipped out and I immediately fixed it- I’m appreciative for the trainer because they thanked me for my efforts to correct myself. I remember the frustration with myself and I blamed my mistake on the idea that “they” refers to plural (more than one person) and I was not used to referring a singular person as “they.”

Not referring to a single person as “they” got really drilled into me in graduate school. My favorite professor would put red ink all over my paper for making the “mistake.” For example, my essay could’ve had something like this: “If a person experiences trauma, they may have struggles connecting with others.” My professor would circle the singular “person” and plural “they.” I was instructed to change “they” to he/she when writing papers. It wasn’t until this class I realized how much many of us use “they” when referring to a single person- it’s really not that foreign of a concept. Therefore, if someone wants to be referred to as “they,” we are more than capable of honoring that preference.

A couple of days ago I read a TIME article called, “People Have Invented More than 200 Gender-Neutral Pronouns. Here’s Why “They” is here to Stay.” -Katy Steinmetz (Jan 17, 2020). The writer states

“For centuries, poets and pundits have observed that English is missing a word: a gender neutral, third-person pronoun that could be used in place of he or she when gender is unknown or irrelevant. They has long been proposed as the answer: It’s a familiar word that happens to leave gender out of the frame. The masses regularly use it in a singular way in casual conversation, as in, ‘Did they leave a message?’ or ‘They cut me off!’”

The article highlights that the LGBTQIA+ community has embraced they because it includes men, women, and to non-binary people who identify as neither.

I appreciated reading this article because it helped me put some things into perspective. Referring a person as they is currently a part of the English language and there is no need to view this as a grammatical roadblock that we must conquer.