Pre-pandemic, many clients complained of not having any free time to attend to their self-care. As a therapist, it is my job to assist people in finding ways to care for themselves and schedule much needed personal time, which is hard when juggling work and other home life obligations. The longer clients felt like they weren’t addressing self-care, the more stress they reported.

It’s weird to think about who I was pre-pandemic. I too, struggled with finding time for self-care. Looking back on what my schedule was, I can’t piece together how I was doing it. I had long, jam-packed traffic commutes and therapy sessions after work and weekends. I was trying to juggle all of my personal relationships and life obligations. My days were long and busy. Over time, I just became extremely tired and didn’t know how to crawl myself out of a “rut.”

In therapy sessions with clients, it was a strange dynamic. I was helping people make time for themselves at a time when I felt like I had lost myself. Like my clients, the longer I spent not focusing on me, the more stress I experienced.

I share personal stories to demonstrate, that often, we are struggling with the same things. You are not alone. My clients and I all shared the same struggle: the feeling like we didn’t have enough time in a day to take care of ourselves.

This pandemic has taught me several things.  Most importantly, it reminded me of the power of time. Time dedicated to ourselves may be the key to happiness. Doing the things that please us brings us confidence and self-love, the best gifts that we can give ourselves. Therefore, self-care needs to become a lifestyle. Self-care isn’t something we do on occasion. It’s important to think of the daily ways in which we can care for ourselves and make self-care a part of our being.

Self-Care is personal.  There are a lot of suggestions about self-care to be found on the Internet and elsewhere. Suggestions are great, but what you do, needs to make sense for you. One popular example people often hear is that meditation is good for you, but many people struggle with meditation because they don’t think that they are doing it right or because they have trouble maintaining a routine. The first question needs to be do you like meditation? Is there a meditation style that works for you? If not, that’s okay. It really is important to identify the things that make you happy. Maybe its taking time once a day to take a quick 10-minute walk, watch your favorite television show, talk to your best friend, stretch, or write in a journal. My personal self-care is showering. Showering is the one thing I do every day where I feel uninterrupted. I always feel better and ready to start the day after I shower. Self-care is personal; do what works for you.

Self-Care is mandatory. One thing I notice is that people treat their self-care as optional. Often, when creating schedules, people will leave self-care at the end and will get to it if there is time left in the day. We know what happens with that, right? At the end of the day, we are tired, and we don’t get to it. Everyday we think, “I will get to it tomorrow.” We keep putting off self-care because we don’t prioritize it. I suggest that we no longer treat our self-care as optional. In the same way we pencil important meetings and lunch dates into our schedules, we need to schedule our self-care.  We must treat self-care time as we would any other obligation.

Self-care contributes to our self-esteem. Self-esteem comes from doing estimable (“esteemable”) acts. Meaning, we feel better about ourselves when we do things that make us feel good and proud. When we engage in hobbies, exercising, or other positive activities, we feel better about ourselves.  

Self-Care is daily. The main reason why people don’t engage in a regular self-care routine is because we make it too complicated. People sometimes imagine self-care as long bubble baths, hikes, vacations, and massages. Those are all great self-care possibilities, but they are time consuming and/or expensive. It’s important to think of something that is quick and easy to do every day like make sure you eat breakfast, drink enough water, make up your bed, write in a journal, walk at lunch time, or maybe plan an enjoyable bedtime regimen (like washing your face). These are “small” things that can make big impacts.

Self-care can be broken down into two categories:

1.       Things we do every day to be a well person

2.       Things we do some days out of the week

Think of your self-care techniques and put them in either category 1 or 2. It’s important to be realistic about what goes in your everyday self-care routine.

Self-Care is the “small things.” As adults, we dread doing the laundry and other household chores. It is sometimes helpful to consider these things as self-care. We do our laundry, go grocery shopping, pay our bills, wash the dishes, and take our cars in for maintenance because we love ourselves. After I do chores/errands, I try and take a step back and appreciate my accomplishments. I smell my clean clothes; I open the door to my recently stocked fridge; I love shredding the bills I just paid, and I know that because I maintain my car, it will get me where I want to go.  Seriously, I will sit in my car for a little bit listening to music and take a minute to appreciate this car that I rely on for so much. It’s important to recognize and appreciate all the ways we care for ourselves.  

Self-Care community. If possible, find a community of people who share your interests. Having a partner or joining a group helps us stay motivated, maintain a routine, and keeps us accountable. For example, many years ago when I ran a half marathon, it was because my co-workers at the time were all runners. Hearing them discuss their training super motivated me to get started. It is helpful to have people around you who have similar goals.

The pandemic brought home the importance of taking care of our physical and mental health and provided an opportunity for many of us to find extra time for ourselves. It reminded me of the importance of maintaining self-care as a lifestyle. I realize how much I let myself go because I continued to put myself last after all my obligations. I have been reminded that I have an obligation to myself. Self-care is daily and it is necessary. Self-care is a lifestyle.

Sharon Frasier